Freshman Writing

Mallory Baldwin

Dr. deGravelles

April 30, 2012

Block 4

This Years Writing

            As my freshman year comes to a close, the last major writing assignment was to look back at all of our essays and see what we have improved throughout the year, and what we still need to work on.  When this assignment was assigned, I was looking forward to looking back at my writing and see how much I have improved just over these eight months.  When I went back to Turn It In and looked back at the comments, I noticed that in every paper had an issue that was repeated throughout the paper.  I also noticed that they were very small issues, and they were fixed in the papers that came after.  Overall, this year I feel like my writing in general has majorly improved, with minor issues along the way.

            The first major paper we wrote in this class this year was our Literacy Narrative.  Mine was called “Pure Imagination,” and it was about me experiencing my first time dealing with plagiarism, and how every time I write a paper and we talk about plagiarism, I think of that experience.  Overall, the main reason I got points off for this assignment was for grammatical errors, especially commas.  I had a few comma splices throughout the paper, and I didn’t add commas when addressing people, like, “Why can’t she, Momma?”  The overall comment that was given stated that I had vivid details, and clear significance, but I needed to work on the grammatical errors. 

            The second writing assignment of the year was the profile.  We had to write about a certain person or place, and the significance of that person or place.  I centered my profile around my house in Orlando, and how it is great place to go when I need to relax.  I think this was one of my best writing pieces of the year.  The only thing that I needed to add in this paper to make it better was more active verbs, and I repeated some phrases multiple times that I needed to take out.  Not only do I think this was my best writing piece of the year, but it was my favorite essay to write this year.

            Halfway through the year, we did the WrAP essay.  Our topic was prices with buying music.  I said that lowering the prices and making websites to get songs for free is wrong, because the artists that record the songs are not making as much money as they should be.  This was the best score I have ever gotten on the WrAP.  My lowest point in the categories was support, and that was because my essay was pretty short.  I should have developed my claims more.  Overall, I thought this was an okay writing assignment of mine. 

            Our next paper was the Literary Narrative.  My paper dealt with the repetition of irony throughout the story, and how that contributed to the theme of the story.  A lot of people in my class had difficulties writing this paper, including me.  This was the hardest paper for me to write because we dealt with our first thesis in a paper.  That is where my problem fit in.  I had a good thesis, but throughout the paper I could have developed my claims more to link them back to my thesis.  I do think though that this paper was a good first attempt at a thesis paper. 

            The most recent essay we did was the Global Issues Paper.  I did my project on causes of lack of fresh water in Africa, and ways we can prevent this issue.  This was my first research paper that I have ever done.  We first gathered the research, and then wrote the paper.  After finding the research and making the outline, I thought that this was a fairly easy paper to write.  The largest problem that I had in the paper was that I would put quotes in the paper, and not develop how those quotes contributed to the thesis. 

            After reviewing my papers completely I would say my biggest problem that I still need to work on is development.  Developing my claims would not only make my papers longer,  but make people understand my paper better.  The thing that I think I have improved on the most was my word choice.  I have always chosen words that were not as strong as I could make them to be, but this year I have noticed that I have improved my world choice a lot of this year.  Overall, I think that this was a good writing year for me, and hope that my writing improves even more throughout the years to come. 

           

           

 Common Errors List

1. Comma Splice: adding a comma with no conjunctions between to sentences to make it a run-on sentence

Example: This is not a good book, it is too long to read.

2. Adding commas when addressing someone:

Example: How are you today, Anna?

3. Adding a hyphen to a number:

Example: two-year old

4. Spelling out numbers one through 9:

Example: 2 years ago… needs to be two years ago…

5. Underlining book titles:

Example: The Summer I Turned Pretty

Reading Times

It's Not Summer Without You:
Monday: 100 minutes
Class times: 25 minutes
Saturday: 25 minutes

"Moments" By One Direction

Heres a link to the song and lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf6tvcaR37w

The song that I chose to analyze was the song “Moments” by One Direction.  Their friend, Ed Sheeran, who is a singer, also wrote it.  The reason I chose this song to analyze is because I really like the meaning of this song and I wanted to analyze it to see if I could find any hints about the meaning of the song.  The meaning of the song is really sad; it is about a couple and the girl dies and the boy can’t live without her so he commits suicide.  The first couple of times I heard this song, I didn’t know what it was about, but after listening to it so more I knew it was about something sad.  I decided to look online and find out the meaning. 

            After listening to the song a couple of times, looking at the lyrics, and analyzing it, I noticed a lot poetic techniques.  In the chorus there is personification in the second line where it says,

“My love, my heart is breathing for this

Moment in time”.

This is the only sign of personification in the poem and I think they use it to make it seem that the heart is a living thing that has emotion and wants the moments with them together to come back. 

            Another technique used was a simile in the second verse.

“My judgments clouded

Like tonight’s sky.”

This is the only time they use a simile in the song, and I think they use it to show the confusion that the speaker of this song is confused and doesn’t know what to do. 

            The third technique I saw being used is the repetition of the last line in both verses.  In the first and second verse the last line says, “and the tears stream down my face”.  They use this repetition to show the emotion of the speaker.  In the first and second verse they talk about trying to do things to help him get over the pain, or what’s going on in his mind, and nothing can help it so he keeps crying.

            The last technique I noticed was hardly any of the song has any rhyme scheme, except for the bridge of the song.

“Flashing lights in my mind

Going back to the time

Playing games in the street

Kicking balls with my feet

There's a numb in my toes

Standing close to the edge

There's a pile of my clothes

At the end of your bed

As I feel myself fall

Make a joke of it all”

This really stood out to me because most songs have a rhyme scheme and this one didn’t except for the bridge.  I think they did this because it is the most important part of the song, because this is the part where he commits suicide, “As I feel myself fall, make a joke of it all”.  I think the author, Ed Sheeran, did this to make it stand out and tell us what it is about.  

The Summer That I Turned Pretty and It's Not Summer Without You

Just letting you know if you plan on reading these books, don't read this because it has a spoiler in it! 

           Over the Spring break I finished The Summer That I Turned Pretty, by Jenny Han.  I also began the sequel to the book It’s not Summer Without You.  The last part of the book was really sad, and from the small amount that I read of the second book, it is sad also.  What happens in the ending of the first book is Conrad and Jeremiah’s mom, Susannah, gets cancer again, and it is terminal cancer.  They don’t really know how long she has to live, but the two boys and Belly make a promise to always come back to the beach house for the summers to come.  That doesn’t happen though.

            In April of the year after, Susannah dies from the cancer.  We find out that she dies in the first chapter of the second book.  The way that Han describes how much Susannah cared about Belly makes it sad.  She also describes how sick and weak Susannah had gotten in the months before her death.  It is really sad and I hope that it gets a little bit happier, and not as depressing throughout the rest of the book. 

Reading Times:
Wednesday: TSTITP: 100 minutes 90 pages

Thursday: It’s Not Summer Without You: 50 minutes 30 pages